’he stole the crackers’, pat came the reply.

‘Those are mine’, the smaller kid said with tinge of helplessness quite clear in his voice.

Just a mere glance at the small kid would give it away the fact that the crackers he was trying to carry away by whisking them inside his half torn shirt were not his own, i.e., not the ones he paid to have.

The two cracker packets in possession of smaller kid fell off the ground following the resentful struggle that resulted in minor bruises on the smaller kid who was crying loudly that the crackers were indeed his own. Now that the cracker packets were detached from him, the smaller kid was just crying and desperately trying to get himself free from the bigger kid who is still holding him tight to take him somewhere where instant justice for stealing could be offered with no disturbance from the 10 odd pairs of eyes and one voice that’s still talking in telugu-kannada making its presence felt more than before. Lot of persuasion with bits of warnings from the few voices that started to raise and incessant struggle from the smaller kid to free himself resulted in making the bigger kid leave the smaller kid making him flee instantly. I saw the smaller kid’s face who inspite of having tears flowing down his cheeks incessantly, looked triumphant for getting himself free and dejected in the very next second for not being able to complete the task that he started. It looked crystal clear to me that the kid got richer by the knowledge of how not to steal and with few bruises on his body. Also with a bitter understanding that not having money means not being able to buy happiness, even if today is Diwali.

Some might wonder innocently or more often quite conveniently that what is having money to do with celebrating diwali with crackers. I say, fucking everyting!

Twenty Five

Its been exactly twenty five years since I started breathing. Will come back with more details soon.

[Note: Internet has been a major source for me for almost all the questions (and couple of them were raised while in discussion with friends) and a major chunk of statistics is also from Internet. Rest assured, wherever the statistics are mentioned they are checked at least twice with the reliable sources.]

Why the issue of separate Telangana is being raised once again?

The demand of the people of Telangana for a separate state is not a new development.  It was voiced much before the formation of Andhra Pradesh and continues to be raised even thereafter. It is essential to understand the history of the region to comprehend the historical need to become separate state (Will update the history soon in my next blogs). The reason for the resistance of people of Telangana to join Visalandhra in 1950s was the fear of exploitation in the enlarged state as rightly documented in States Reorganization Commission (SRC) as “One of the principal causes of opposition to Visalandhra also seems to be the apprehensions felt by the educationally backward people of Telangana that they may be swamped and exploited by the more advanced people of the Coastal areas…The real fear of the people of Telangana is that if they join Andhra they will be unequally placed in relation to the people of Andhra and in this partnership the major partner will derive all the advantages immediately while Telangana itself may be converted into a colony by the enterprising Andhras”. (SRC Report: para 378). And the reason for their reluctance to continue in the present state is the actual experience of being exploited.

Is it not a bogey raised, on and off, by the disgruntled politicians?

Sadly, the answer is mostly yes. Yet the demand for a separate state could not have sustained itself for more than six decades if it was just a ‘time pass demand’ raised on and off by disgruntled politicians. The demand for Telangana state never died ever since the region was forcibly merged against the wishes and opinions of Telangana people. It is true that there are too many opportunistic elements that are infiltrated in to the movement of the people knowing very well that this struggle will act as a political ladder in the hierarchy of power. But such aberrations cannot undermine the genuine aspirations of the people. Aspirations of those people who have two major rivers of South India traversing their homeland and yet can’t really utilize more than 20% of the waters. Can it be brushed aside for ever? What about the voice being constantly raised by the intelligentsia and practitioners of learned professions who do not have any vested interest in practical politics? Is it of no consequence? Can it be ignored just like that?

Is there no alternative to the demand for a separate state?

All possible alternatives have already been tried and experimented with – The Gentlemen’s Agreement, The All Party Accord, The Eight Point Formula, The Five Point Formula, The Six Point Formula and what not? Were they not experiments to safeguard the interests of Telangana within the integrated state of Andhra Pradesh? Have any of these agreements been implemented? Have any of these solemn pledges been redeemed? Have any of the judicial pronouncements including the verdict of Supreme Court of India been honored?  Now what else is left to be further experimented with?

What did the Chief Ministers who belonged to this region do while they were in power?

P. V. Narasimha Rao, M. Chenna Reddy and T. Anjaiah did become Chief Ministers of the state. But what was the duration of stewardship of all of them put together? It was hardly 5 years, in the state’s history of 53 years, that too in bits and pieces – to be precise, in four spells and each spell spanning a few months.  It should be noted that J. Vengal Rao was a migrant from Coastal area. He never came out of his moorings and he never identified himself with the hopes and aspirations of people of Telangana.

P. V. Narasimha Rao made a feeble attempt in 1972 to implement the verdict of Supreme Court validating the Mulki Rules (Mulki Rules is the implementation of a 1919 firman by the Nizam, which said only “Mulkis” were eligible for public appointments in Telangana. A Mulki was one who was born in the region or had resided there continuously for 15 years and had given an affidavit abandoning the idea of returning to his/her native place). The verdict, naturally, was in favor of Telangana.  But the reaction from the other regions was so instantaneous and so wild that in the process P. V. Narasimha Rao lost his chair of Chief Minister and the Telangana region lost the only chance of safeguarding the interests of the region.  Even the verdict of the highest judicial authority of the country was nullified.  This can very well happen to any leader from Telangana in that position and for any number of times.  Because, their survival depends upon the support of the area which has a numerical majority in the political setup and has greater money power to influence the political process and administrative machinery. That being the sad version of democracy will become another story.  The problem, therefore, lies essentially in the nature of political equations between the developed and backward regions and not fully and necessarily in the persons holding positions of power.  The States Reorganization Commission eloquently and very rightly foresaw the situation and commented upon this as well after a dispassionate assessment of the feelings and fears of people of Telangana (“One of the principal causes of opposition to Visalandhra also seems to be the apprehensions felt by the educationally backward people of Telangana that they may be swamped and exploited by the more advanced people of the Coastal areas…The real fear of the people of Telangana is that if they join Andhra they will be unequally placed in relation to the people of Andhra and in this partnership the major partner will derive all the advantages immediately while Telangana itself may be converted into a colony by the enterprising Andhras”. (SRC Report: para 378)

Rayalaseema and North Coastal Andhra also are backward. What is so special about Telangana to ask for a separate state on this score?

It is true that these two regions also are backward. They too have been, like Telangana, victims of neglect. But Telangana has an additional problem i.e. diversion of its resources, which legitimately belong to it, and worst, for the development of other regions.  Best – or worst – examples are diversion of river waters and other natural resources, financial resources, employment opportunities and so on. This has been going on unabated.  The other two regions do not have such problem.

Further, Telangana can be a viable unit as a separate state and can be better developed.  This was also endorsed by the SRC. Above all, the people of the region want to have it. You go and ask anybody in the region, the answer would be the same except probably a few people in Hyderabad who never went beyond the comfortable boundaries of multiplexes, big smooth roads and cyber cities in to the hinterlands of Telangana that are afflicted with hunger, suicides, malnutrition and seasonal diseases.

What about linguistic unity and cultural identity?

Next to Hindi, largest number of people in India speaks Telugu.  If there can be nine Hindi-speaking states with the possibility of some more coming up, what is wrong in having more than one state for Telugus?  It may be recalled that the SRC recommended the creation of separate Telangana state in addition to the already existing Andhra state.  The SRC, in fact, never wanted language to be the sole criterion for reorganizing Indian states. The most intriguing part of the whole argument of the so-called linguistic unity is that the Telangana dialect is ridiculed with impunity especially by the cine field and mass media.  Who controls them is an open secret.  Can such things go on without the connivance of ruling classes? Otherwise what are the agencies that are supposed to be censoring films and TV serials are doing?  In such humiliating conditions what is the significance of linguistic and cultural unity?  Has it not become totally meaningless?

How many smaller states can this country have?

More than half of the states in the country are smaller than Telangana.  They are: Assam, Nagaland, Meghalaya, Manipur, Tripura, Arunachal Pradesh, Sikkim, Mizoram, Jammu & Kashmir, Himachal Pradesh, Haryana, Punjab, Goa, Chhattisgarh, Jharkhand and Uttaranchal of which six are ranked ahead of Andhra Pradesh (in a ‘best Indian states to live in’ survey conducted by an Indian magazine ‘India Today’). Further, West Bengal and Kerala also are smaller than Telangana in geographical area.  Then where are this doubts and objections to conferring statehood on Telangana, which would be the largest of the smaller states in the country, are coming from? Don’t you think it’s a mere illogical excuse to continue the exploitation of the region?

Isn’t separate Telangana state an anti-Andhra people’s movement?
A very big no. Telangana people don’t bear any animosity against the coastal Andhra or Rayalaseema people or the ordinary migrants from those areas to Hyderabad or to any place in Telangana.

Hyderabad has been developed efficiently by everyone. Is it now fair to ask some of them leave?

It is not fair to ask anybody leave their home. A person settled in Hyderabad or anywhere in Telangana (irrespective of the place where he is from) has as much right to live there as much as much as the person who was born in the region.

But it is a travesty of truth when an impression gets so easily created that the development of twin cities took place after they became capital of AP. The fact is that the plight of erstwhile Andhra state in locating its capital could be mitigated only because of the formation of Andhra Pradesh and giving to it, on a silver platter, an already well developed capital of erstwhile Hyderabad state. The States Reorganization Commission also was very clear on this issue when they reported “This will also solve the difficult and vexing problem of finding a permanent capital for Andhra, for the twin cities of Hyderabad and Secunderabad are very well suited to be the capital of Vishalandhra” (SRC Report: para 371).

The development that has taken place in and around the capital city, after the formation of Andhra Pradesh, is natural and is comparable to the development that has taken place in other major cities of the country. Besides, while we keep discoursing about the ‘development’ that Hyderabad has so fortunate to experience in this 50 years thanks to the people of ‘all regions’, why not think about the possibility of this happening in a same way or, in all probability, better way had Hyd been left on its own to get developed!?

Huge reservoirs, like the Nizam Sagar, Tungabhadra, Osman Sagar, Himayat Sagar, and others were built, not in the past 50 years! Products such as silverware, saris, Nirmal and Kalamkari paintings and artifacts, unique Bidri handcrafted items, lacquer bangles studded with stones, silk ware, cotton ware and handloom-based clothing materials are made and traded through the city for centuries but not just for the past 50 years!

Few significant changes to the city in the past 50 years include the way Hyderabad has established itself as the leading destination for IT and IT-enabled services, pharmaceuticals, call centers and entertainment industries. Many computer software companies, software consulting firms, business process outsourcing (BPO) firms, dealing with IT and other technological services firms have established their offices and facilities in the city since the 1990s. But it should be noted that any IT or non-IT services industry had started its operations in Hyd only coz of the potential workforce the city was offering at a modest expense. This could have anyway happened eventually and there’s nothing anyone from Andhra or even Telangana should take credit for!

And please understand that construction of flyovers, widening of roads, development of Hi-Tech cities etc., will not address the serious problems confronting the people in the other nine districts of Telangana. Cholera deaths in Adilabad, spread of malaria in the tribal belt, suicides by farmers in Warangal, Karimnagar and Khammam, suicides by weavers in Karimnagar, eternal famine conditions in Mahabubnagar, flurosis in Nalgonda, fall of ayacut under Nizamsagar cannot be ignored under the gilded veils of ‘development’ that we presume to have achieved in Hyderabad.

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[For those who don’t know, my friend Vishnu is an amazingly adorable software geek. His gentle and sometimes vibrant multimedia skills are just awesome and widely appreciated in our group back in college days. He expressed couple of his opinions in a very elaborate way about ‘the state of my state’ (http://vishspeak.blogspot.com/2009/12/state-of-my-state.html) and it is recommended to go through his blog  before you make time to listen to what I got to say coz most of the following is in reply to his observations. It is A-okay even if chose to directly jump on to my lines.]

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You should first know couple of things about what I believe and what I don’t before you further scroll down in to this page. This is strongly suggested coz this will only help you to understand what is discoursed below in an un-biased perspective. Well, if you think you already know enough of me (or probably more than necessary ), skip the next 10 lines.

a. I strongly believe in the world with no physical boundaries. I consider myself as a World Citizen before anything else. If given a choice, I would merrily erase all the boundaries of the world and would ask everyone to live in World together (highly improbable, I know!.

b. I cannot remain a spectator when there is any kind of injustice happening around (and sometimes, anywhere in the world) and would do anything and everything in my power to stop any type of discrimination happening to my fellow citizens of the world.

c. I do not identify any individual based on their region of birth, religion, caste or color. Coz I myself do not perceive any of those to be important enough.

There may be many other things that you would want to know, but let’s stop with these for now.

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Now, let me just mention some of the distortions my friend made to the history in his blog. (Very Imp. Note: All the sentences that are italicized and made bold in the following pages are directly taken from my friend’s blog)

..In 1969 when 36 GO was issued, ordering the transfer of 25,000 non-Telangana employees, who were posted in the Telangana regions, the Andhra movement take (sic.) shape. The supreme court (sic.) stepped in and nullified the order…

The then State government issued a government order (G.O. 36) in January 1969 repatriating nearly 25,000 non-local employees illegally appointed in Telangana. When this was challenged in SC, the Apex Court declared the G.O (or Mulki Rules – G. O. 36 is implementation of a 1919 firman by the Nizam, which said only “Mulkis” were eligible for public appointments in Telangana. A Mulki was one who was born in the region or had resided there continuously for 15 years and had given an affidavit abandoning the idea of returning to his/her native place) to be valid and in force.  The Supreme Court judgment was nullified in 1973 by an Act of Parliament, and a Six Point formula was drafted guaranteeing “adequate preference to local candidates in admissions to educational institutions” but “subject to the requirements of the State as a whole”. Similarly, local candidates would be preferred “…to specified extent in the matter of direct recruitment for certain posts”. A tribunal was to be constituted to deal with grievances regarding appointments, seniority and promotion. Needless to say that those words (‘adequate preference…’ etc) remained as hollow as ever since then!

…The Capital city of Hyderabad was built over a period of 50 years with effort and revenue of all the three regions… Now if the city goes into Telangana state, the region of Andhra or Rayalaseema stands to lose all their effort and work…

The city of Hyderabad was built over a period of 500 years. The city was richest and the largest among the princely states of India (i.e., before 1947). It is after centuries of its grand existence that the territories of the State of Hyderabad were divided between newly created Andhra Pradesh, Mumbai state (later Maharashtra), and Karnataka on 1 November 1956. Telugu speaking areas of Hyderabad state also known as Telangana (including Hyderabad city) were merged with Telugu speaking state of Andhra state to create to Andhra Pradesh. Thus, Hyderabad became the capital city of the new state of Andhra Pradesh. My point is what is perceived as ‘development’ in Hyderabad is only consequential effects of its grandeur existence, not an overnight bubble. This is to be understood properly especially in the light of many theories floating around suggesting that the Hyderabad now we see (or live in) is in her sublime high only coz of what has been done to her in the past 10 years.

Moreover, any kind of revenue is invested anywhere (especially when it is by private parties) only when there are returns expected. You would risk investing far from your home only when there is high probability of huge returns. That is exactly the thing that was done with investments in Hyderabad. It is a well known fact that those investments, in this case, got multiplied by many numbers because of the obvious reasons. Still, there’s no one who is asking anybody to leave everything and go back! Anybody is free to keep the revenues invested in Hyderabad and watch them multiply more but not at the cost of region losing its own revenue. Please note that the development that has taken place in and around the capital city, after the formation of Andhra Pradesh, is natural and is comparable to the development that has taken place in other major cities of the country.

Also, what would you say if British argued in 1947 that all the investments (oh yes, they made hell lot of investments in their 200 yrs of colonial rule) that were made in India before 1947 were actually to develop and make India prosper? What would you say if Britain demanded to take back all that could be taken back from India when they were leaving coz, it was after all their investment? This might look like an exaggerated analogy but holds true in every manner! Some XYZ comes Hyderabad and gets amazed to find its richness (just like the way when British entered India long ago). He brings over the surplus left over at home and invests it (like the way British brought their soldiers). He slowly makes everything own and tries owning others’ own too (British founded East India Co. and spread it across the country). He builds couple of buildings for his own convenience and creates more revenue out of them (British built couple of rail tracks calling it ‘development’ but actually meant to make their exploitation more convenient). He claims to have ‘developed’ Hyd now (like the way British claims that they built modern India!)!! It should be noted that this analogy stands valid only for those few whose actual interests lay upon squeezing Hyd for their own wicked interests not for everyone who’s being in and with Hyd and became a Hyderbadi (just like the way this analogy stands good only for British not for every foreign merchant who wanted to do business with Indian Kingdoms, make couple of profits with no plans colonizing India)

Lastly, Hyd used to be called as ‘City of lakes’ and ‘City of pearls’ – forget about pearls but lakes are seen no more (or seen everywhere in the months of July and August) thanks to the hideously groomed real estate market which by the way is being controlled mostly by non-locals!

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Now, let’s talk about something more interesting. Since I can continuously discourse upon the subject in discussion for hours, or probably days, I will limit myself to the major issues that are being raked up in the advent of recent events happening in and around Telangana.

Here are some of the famous and repeatedly preached arguments by many of my brothers and sisters of Telugu land whenever a talk of separate state is made. I know most of them are inadvertently oblivious and so I will attempt to make couple of such sermons as naked as possible for it is elemental to see them in the true colors to understand what they could actually mean.

I repeat, it is recommended to go through  http://vishspeak.blogspot.com/2009/12/state-of-my-state.html) before you make time to listen what I got to say coz most of the following is in reply to the observations made in the above link. It is A-okay even if chose to directly jump on to my lines.

…It is a common practice to make ‘villains’ or ‘comedians’ in telugu movies speak the Telangana/Rayalaseema dialect while the ‘good guys’ speak the Godavari/Krishna accent…

It would be stupid to ask for a separate state just because someone is ridiculing your language. I mean, you can file a complaint in the court or ask Govt/Censor Board to look into the matter seriously but you can’t make a serious case out of ‘ you are being derogatory to my language so, I want a separate state ‘ argument. I know it’s pretty serious issue (coz, it’s your identity that is at stake) but not good enough to demand a Separate State based merely on that!

…Lack of sea ports will weigh down heavily on Telangana…, if made separate:

In spite of having sea on all sides, and thus having many ports, Srilanka is nothing more than a strategic naval link between West Asia and South East Asia and stands 104^th on UN’s Human Development Index List. A country with no port on any part of its boundary, say, Switzerland, remains in the top 10 (9^th according to the 2009 list) countries in the UN Human Development Index List. So, for a region or nation to become developed (and by developed, I mean the standard of living of everyone not just couple of individuals entering Forbes’ billionaire list) depends very minimal on the number of sea ports it possess.  Every region has its own ratio of strengths and weaknesses. It is for us to decide where we lay our efforts and energies on. So, Telangana, in spite of not having any sea with its boundaries, will not have to worry about the means of building a port within the state!

…You (both Telangana & Andhra) will not have as many jobs in the IT sector if the state becomes two…

American companies running their offices here in Hyd (that’s is what we call ‘IT Sector’)  will be more than happy to set up their new office in any city (even if it is a ‘ second-rung ‘ city) with few graduates as long as these people can write couple of programs and attend couple of conference calls at 2 AM without much of bemoaning (No offence intended for those in IT – it’s just that IT sector needs relatively less complex resources to establish and sustain). This is precisely because of ‘Easy re-location of the IT-hub‘ as it was rightly observed in another part of my friend’s blog that ‘Unlike the other industries, the IT industry does not depend much on the location’. So, Andhra people do not have to lose their sleep over the possibility of not having more IT Jobs. Neither does the Telangana people worry about prospects of losing many IT jobs to their Andhra counterparts. Coz, both the states are going to have their own share once they are conveniently separated!

…In a federal setup, numbers is strength…

Let me just correct that. It should have been ‘in the current federal setup, numbers is strength’. I yell for the umpteenth time as the walls of my larynx vibrate that what is being followed by many does not necessarily make it the correct practice. But, using ‘numbers’ like the way it is being used in the current India is a sufficient condition to call our nation as flawed democracy!

Yes, you need to have ‘numbers’ in the current federal setup to bring down the govt. (which, by the way, was elected to rule the country after ~1000 crore rupee elections) because your demand for more cabinet berths was not met. It’s true that these ‘numbers’ decide the policies of a 100 crore nation! How pathetic!

Why else would we need ‘numbers’ to have a say in the national politics? The impression that ‘you need moral conviction and genuineness to make your demands heard’ is no where existent anymore. I didn’t know that we need to stretch muscles (read as, threatening and blackmailing with serious consequences if you don’t listen to me!) every time we feel our vested interests are not being properly cared for. Besides, wouldn’t the number game result in mere blackmail politics? Don’t you think we see enough of ‘numbers’ getting kidnapped (oh no, they are now terming the sudden disappearances of MLAs/MPs as ‘taken away’ or ‘made invisible’) to threaten the governments unless their stupid demands (like, ‘my party candidate should have XYZ ministry’) are met? Which month in a year passed by with no mention of a group of these ‘numbers’ sulking over countless and meaningless issues with no memory of the responsibilities they are supposed to be caring for.

What is more and urgently needed is the veracity or genuineness in your convictions or demands not the strength in ‘numbers’. It is proven time and again that the number game would result only in more of blackmail politics and nothing more! Besides, as long as the Judiciary (which, by the way, is the only one pillar that remains unscathed to the surprisingly large extent in the midst of all the mud) is existent and is driven by a compassionate lot, I really don’t think there is any reason to lose our sleeps over having less ‘numbers’. People are anyway equipped with the most powerful weapon of all time (that’s called phalanx) and they don’t hesitate to use it when the need comes by.

…Farming problems…

Are you actually suggesting that we should be worried over ‘few sanctions’ or ‘possible water-riots’? The centre (or in this case, anybody with common sense) already states that percentage of water to be used by any particular state should be equal to the percentage of catchment area of the flowing river through that state. If you find your share getting exploited by upstream parties, you go and fight with them. You have Centre’s policy and an apex court to back you up for your genuine and deserving share. I know you are jumping to say ‘why can’t we do the same within the existing AP instead of complaining about one region not getting to utilize its share of waters?’ It’s not possible simply coz Centre don’t have a say in State’s internal water disputes, neither would the apex court say something unless asked for (Well, SC did ask AP State Govt. to implement couple of things to avert the damages done to Telangana which, of course, went conveniently unheeded and there’s nothing Centre could do about it). If it was a separate state, even the most disgusting political parties will have to fight for the new state’s rightful share coz their existence depends on their fight. Again, as long your fight is just, you don’t need ‘numbers’ to support your cause.

‘Choice: Imagine, you run a company and you want to take employees into it. …’ Nice try.

What is incomprehensible is why did we not ‘develop’ (Development is just another most abused word) or why is this so called ‘development’ getting limited to a very few pockets of the state in spite of ‘better employees‘ across the state and thus ‘better administration’ resulting in ‘growth and development’ or even when you are ‘ picking the best of a lot ‘ since 60 long years! Does it not look like a well crafted method of bamboozling some in the name of unity? This method, (the method of keeping unemployed/under-privileged as unemployed forever) in fact, negates the ‘growth’ that is supposed to have reached every corner of the state/country.

…All the problems we face today are because of our leaders. Change them and we will change our lives…

There is nothing that can be truer than what is said in the above two sentences. But in this particular case, have we not been doing that for the past 60 years!? Why is it still not working? Coz, people we call as leaders are highly efficient (not inefficient) in keeping problems alive so that there remains a chance of making promises. This exists in every direction you see and in every region you live. And this continues for years and decades. So, how does a separate state solve this problem? Breaking news: It won’t.

A separate state will only solve one of the many problems that the people of Telangana region are facing. And the one that will get solved is the most important one. There won’t be anybody whose sole aim is to bring Telangana anymore! And there won’t be any of those false promises anymore! Anything and everything that the ‘leaders’ will have to do then will be to spend the resources (or at least act so, coz their existence depends on how better they act!) on Telangana and Telangana only. Again, will there not be any problems then? Of course, there will be, just like the way there are problems in any part of the country or world for that matter. But that’ll be the different stage for another battle. People will fight for their rightful share in the already allocated resources.

Democracy is a highly flawed practice for the existing world, especially for India. And it’s surprising that many of us still can’t see this naked truth and live in our own dream world! If you think you can change lives by just changing the ‘leaders’, I would urge you to think again! (You may probably be able to change something – very little with huge number of constraints, though – if you become one of the ‘leaders’)

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Most of the above lines were only intended to analyze the mostly used objections for the formation of Telangana State and attempts to present a little fairer picture of what those objections actually consist of. It is never my intention to assault any individual or a group but I am sure you will have many more objections and doubts over the necessity of forming a separate state. You may please contact me or leave your comment below and I assure you that nothing will be left unanswered unless it is very stupid in tongue or intention. You will find me updating more information here with few more details in the next couple of days.

TJY - Day 0

The day started even before the previous one ended. It was almost 0100 Hrs by the time that delicious dinner was served. And it was half past 2 when I embraced that sweet angel called sleep (or should I say, sleep embraced me!). It was barely a slumber of 2 hrs at the end of which I woke up with surprisingly no effort for there is something huge that I knew was in store for me for the rest of the day. After almost three hours, IIT Powai Convocation Hall looked quite welcoming and reminded me why and when I happened to spend some time in the very same Hall in May 2005. I don’t exactly remember what happened back then (in 2005) but this time it’s definitely altogether different scene that I am part of. Just when all those bright faces are showing up with all those back-packs and assuring parents (in case of girls!), I started to remember how it all started for me.

That issue of Tata World Newsletter, which I would never have opened if not for some boredom, showed Tata Jagriti Yatra’08 as its fist article. Yet it would have easily gone unnoticed if not for my patience to find my lost user name and password for Tata World website. That was when I registered on Jagriti Yatra website. It would still have gone past if not the profiles of some of the Team Members that I chose to check on that last weekend of November. Impressed, I was. I don’t remember the date (either 30^th Nov or 1^st Dec) but I do remember filling up that application form and sending it. That’s when I forgot about it and was happily enjoying my home-going plans for New Year. Receiving confirmation from Yatra organizers, subsequent change of my plans and heading Mumbai was rest of the history.

With someone asking what day it was, I stopped looking blankly (into the past) and returned to fondly  see the bunch of people around me. ‘Dude, what day is today?’ – Mr. X was asking Mr. Y again. ‘What day? Are you kidding me? It’s Wednesday, 24th December, 2008 dammit! Not just an ordinary Wednesday, though’ – Just when I was about to start saying that, I heard someone calling ‘Umesh‘. Well it’s not Umesh, they were looking for some other -esh. Although I was present in the midst of such pandemonium with no comprehensive anticipations, it was amazing to see so many similar minded young guns on a common platform of change. That mere idea of having to spend next 3 odd weeks with all those absolute strangers yet so familiar looking people itself was exhilarating beyond measure. Just as my mouth was widening more and more with these contemplations, I was pushed gently in to the line to get sorted in to the groups. It was A-1.

With little yelling and some pointing, we could at last summon almost all the A group Yatris (and a facilitator, of course) together and that’s where another journey started even before the actual one commenced. With barely anything in my expectations, I was wide open to take anything and everything that comes out of this journey and I started learning stuff the moment I witnessed difficulties in keeping 300 folks in an organized way.

The Convocation Hall of IIT Powai became a venue for the first gathering of all the Yatris (that’s what all of us were called since then) and all that was spoken was truly inviting. After that introductory instructions by Raj and Co., four ladies (including the President Jyothi Naik) from Sri Mahila Griha Udyog Lijjat Papad were called upon to the stage and were introduced as our first role model. It was unknown to me then that I would be spending much more time talking and thinking about these ladies in next 3-4 days. With necessary briefing given, we were then transported in buses to Ravindra Natya Mandir where we met our second role model for the day – Manish Tiwari of Dabbawallahs.  As the man behind Mumbai’s (or Dare I say, India’s?) most simple yet successful business captivated each and everyone in the Hall with his compelling talk for almost 25 minutes which emphasized the importance of understanding ground realities. With that evening truly belonging to Mr. Tiwari’s (Dabbawallah’s) trademark dress, cap and occasionally thrown harsh truths keeping audience at the edge of their seats, his talk ended evoking deafening standing ovation. Dinner was followed by Gauri’s excellent way of making everyone dance to the tunes of TJY Anthem (Yaaro Chalon…). Group gatherings were happening even without any instruction and we spent some quality time in the same premises for more than half-an-hour. While the group members slowly started to commune, all of us then reached Mumbai Central Railway Station at around 2230 Hrs where The Train was supposed to come. It was later known to us that while we were merrily practicing dance steps at Ravindra Natya Mandir that evening, a team (led by Col. Patil) was putting their best efforts to keep The Train fit for travel.

As The Train approached on to the platform (no. 5), everyone roared in to the air making the whole atmosphere spectacularly turbulent. We managed to get in to one of the coaches minutes after The Train stopped on the platform. With little difficulty, we were kinda settled in The Train and it was about to start. Each and everyone on the Train were about to start their 18 day journey that was going to take all of them in to those corners of India which were seldom touched. Everybody was about to start the journey of awakening while it was time to sleep for many out there. Half past eleven on 24^th day of December of 2008, The Train started moving.

P.S: I lost my Yatra diary and there’s ‘Umesh’s‘ written on it. If, by any chance, any of the fellow yatris finds it in his/her luggage, kindly let me know. Courier charges will be duly paid .

P.P.S: In absence of my Yatra diary, it is becoming slightly difficult to remember things that I wanted to write about and hence I will be posting my Web Logs very irregularly. Besides, I got injured and my left hand now is incapable of typing. So, few more unwanted but unavoidable delays.

The Other Half

While pondering over

As always in my shower

The tap started acting amiss

That’s when I realized what I miss

When the bike was zooming on at sixty

And the back seat was empty

I found someone voguish

That’s when I realized what I miss

That was one Sunday morning

Which was not very charming

Just as I started to guess

That’s when I realized what I miss

On another fine evening

I wander around whistling

Turned to find none to kiss

That’s when I realized what I miss

When the clock clicked one in the night

And I wanted to talk my might

I searched for her in the nooks

That’s when I realized what I miss

When the world breaks my heart

And keeps me awake all the night

Someone tells me to hunt the Miss

That’s when I realized what I miss

Ain’t sure if it’s time to hunt Miss

Barely ‘coz I realized what I miss

What would I look for, when it’s time

Let the next four lines play the prime

***

If ‘v’ appears ‘fore ‘I’ in your alphabets too

I can’t wait to see you

And then we talk the world

To become ‘us’ in the end

There are many things going on in life, many things with such rapidity that is not even allowing us to look back and ponder over at what has been done or what has not been done. Past passes by and the Present persists. Swarming past into the Past is always nostalgiac but would only make the Present get past without getting noticed. Yet there are times, even in the maze of complex matrix, that bring things back on to the surface of the container filled with memories. Such wonderings and ensuing internal whisperings often conclude with definite sense of either approval or disapproval of what has been done (or has not been done). However many memories were found to bounce back even after they were forcibly sent into the corners of The Container (of memories). Such ponderings do not call a halt indefinitely either because of the sweet reminiscence they induce or because of the bitter truths they bring forth. The bitter memories that were brought to the fore were either because of one’s inability to act or because of one’s choice not to act in the circumstances that led to those bitter incidents.

***

There was a very small insect on inner side of the window glass of the car just where his head was, a few moments ago. After finding this, he carefully avoided leaning on to that corner of the window to avoid further unwanted and preventable interaction with the insect. Though he was very tired, he wore an I-Am-Looking-Forward-For-This expression. He, evidently, had enough reasons to be so. It was almost after three years that he found an opportunity to step into what is called Capital of India. More importantly, this trip happens to be his first ever-official kind. He was trying to listen to what other two people (and the Driver, who was mostly silent) were conversing about (Damn it, he can’t even recollect what it was!), well, something. He could not help reeling past to reminisce those 3 days he spent last time he was in Delhi. Unlike this time, he then was unaccompanied (that was the first time, incidentally, he was alone on such a long detour) and was on his way to one of the possible, if not permanent, destinations. He spent 3 days in IIT Delhi after being denied of admission. It was not good.

‘Please don’t open the window glass Sir, I already told you we have an Air Conditioning System inside the Car,’ one of the two said, seemingly from long distance.

‘Yeah, I forgot,’ mumbled the other.

In the midst of such conversation in the Car, the time trickled away and he became more and more interested in what actually was happening outside the Car, on the Delhi roads (It would be more apt to state that he became less and less interested in those conversations in an Air Conditioned Car). It was almost 40 minutes past 10 on one of the sweltering mornings of April and the scorching heat was making its best efforts to penetrate through the window glass. The habitually proclaiming Growth of modern Delhi was clearly visible to him while he was reeling past the lanes of concrete jungle. Such a beautiful word, Inclusive Growth! The Growth that crawls incomprehensibly in to our conversations so often, the growth that we report by merely numbering the hundreds of millions of dollars (Dollar is the criteria, not INR!) some of the people could manage to drop in their back pockets, the growth that is directly proportional to the lengths and widths of the roads we travel on or to the points on BSE, the growth that is inversely proportional to the emptyness of the clustered roads. His eyes involuntarily followed someone (the someone who was not much inclusive in the Growth) at one junction when they were speeding up from a traffic signal. The harrowing, yet very much real, subject of his interest was out of sight but just before another (subject of interest) came into the sight. The insect that he saw on inner side of the window glass some time ago was, then, found on outer side of the window glass. He did not open the window glass (Instructions not to open the window were duly followed, thank you very much) and yet how could the insect that was inside before, managed to get out and still be on the outer side of window. Of course the insect was very small, but not small enough to pass through a closed window! The insect was moving very slowly with lot of effort for any slight movement it was making and was trying its might to stick on to the window glass. If the sun was blistering on inside wall of the window it must be boiling the insect on outer side of window which, he thought, must be fearing for its death if it loses its grip on window glass. He ruled out the idea of beating on window glass so that the insect might fall down and escape, for that would only kill it sooner, thanks to the incessant line of motor vehicles passing on.

Just when he was not able to figure out what to do with this, an insect on inner side of the window glass appeared. So, there have always been two, he said to himself with an air of unraveling some kind of mystery. Slight observation of those two made him lot more uncomfortable than he already was. The One Outside seemed to be very weak to move and was spending all of its energy on holding on to the window. The One Inside was going near the One Outside to try conversing through the window glass. It looked like the One Inside was asking the One Outside to hang on until it finds a way out to reunite. And then the One Inside was running to every corner to check if there was any tiny gap through which it could manage to reach out its pal. When it could not find any such gap, it was coming again to check how the One Outside was and plausibly assuring it that it will find a way out.

He felt like it was actually communicating with the One Outside or at least trying to do so nonverbally since it, perhaps, could not talk through the glass. He felt like he was intruding upon their privacy by peremptorily listening to the silent conversation they were having in those short intervals they came together. Each such contact seemed to helplessly re-energize the One Inside to run to all the corners of the glass in a hope of finding a way that takes it to the One Outside. It was poignantly astounding to see the amount of energy that tiny insect possesses and equally amazing to see the chronic, yet vain, efforts it was putting in reassuring the One Outside that it is, somehow, going to be fine. The One Outside was getting weaker and weaker under the blazing sun and he thought it might not be able to stay put any longer. But it seemed to have found that strength, no one knows from where, and was hanging on there for its dear love far more than for its, not so dear, life [FYI: He, somehow, wants to believe that the One Outside the window glass is a weak and helpless HE and the One Inside was a compassionate and deeply-in-love SHE. He confesses that he never meant indifference towards any of them by addressing each of them as IT].

He knew he was killing the One Outside by not letting it inside and the One Inside by not allowing joining its mate. He was so shameful of his helplessness that he dared not to see the insect directly. He was carefully avoiding looking at it directly probably because he felt he might not bear the look of the One Inside if it stares at him. In spite of the fact that the insect might not be able to plead him to allow it to get out or make him to understand how important it was for it to get out, he was afraid of looking because he knew whatever he was doing (or not doing) was leading both the insects to the pain of such intensity that can only be understood by those who have parted from their loved ones at least for once (or for ever) under the knowledge that they may never be able to see or talk with each other. He was almost feeling nausea when the car took a sharp U-turn and the jerk of such turn made him lose balance. He wondered if there was any accident but then the car stopped ignition after which people opening doors and getting down made him understand they reached one of the destinations, where one of them had to get down. It was all confusion with the luggage bags and by the time when the rest of them got into the car again the time must have passed by 5 precious minutes.

When he was getting back into the car, he was desperately hoping to see the Insects where they were. He was so determined to find a way of bringing them together and he felt he should do anything and everything to make it happen. He entered the car and locked the door after placing himself in the same seat. He checked at the same spot only to find nothing on the window glass to his dismay. He was looking at an empty one-sided glass and all he could see was just a plain view of busy road under a huge flyover. He waited for some time because whenever the One Inside went to search for a way outside it takes time to come back again to the spot. But he could not find the One Outside either. ‘Please don’t give up on me now. Pleease!’ – Whom was he begging? Five minutes passed but he did not locate either of them. A harsh truth was slowly dawning on to his numb mind but he, desperately, was hoping to be wrong. He did not want to believe but he, even when it was necessary, could not open the window glass just because he was instructed not to do so since the car had Air Conditioning System and any outside air, if comes inside, may disturb the ambience inside temporarily, if not permanently. Pathetic! He can never know what happened to them. He can never know if they were escaped when they stopped and opened the doors. He can never know, even if he wants to, if the sudden jerk killed those tiny creatures. He can never forgive himself.

***

There may be umpteen reasons for you to wonder why I chose to narrate you a tale of these small, absolutely helpless insects when we are currently witnessing more hapless and worst kind of stories right in the human world. I may never be able to answer that question. Instead I will tell you that you may have missed the whole point in the tale. When I asked him about why he felt what he felt about those insects, pat came a reply from the mirror. Even if he had chosen to open the window, he may not have changed the consequent effects significantly. Or everything that he imagined going on between the insects was all in his head. Yet, this whole thing, apparently, is not just about those insects and/or their unknown, if not certain, death! This is about the world that is pushing you into the corners of utter helplessness. This is about the suffering that comes out of helplessness. This is about love. This is about what you do and more often about what you do not do. This is about action and more about inaction. This is about the choices that you make and about the consequences that cannot be undone.

Saturday July 5, 2008 – 05:09pm (IST)

          There was a mild but seemingly perennial sound coming apparently from distant source that made him move. He tried to cover his ears hoping to impede the disturbance with anything in his reach only to realize that there isn’t anything (He stopped using pillows months ago). The disturbing source gleefully declaring its triumph became more pronounced. Accepting defeat, he opened his eyes scantily to locate a cell phone just beside his left ear. Ah, it’s always been the cell phone of course; he looked at it fondly and snoozed the alarm. But why on earth I wanted to wake up so early, he thought. Barely a week ago had he dealt with all the processes that would now make him Master of something (well, they call it Technology) and thus free to sleep as much as he wanted to. He knew he had things to do though – submission of library card, identity card (about which he particularly had problem with, Why would they need my ID, the memorabilia he felt connected with, whose validity, however, is over? he argues), NOCs (No Objection Certi’s), course completion certi’s, no due certi’s – many of them were done properly already and few, he was sure, would not demand such an early attendance making him set an alarm at the dawn of day! The moment he started dozing off again the alarm, somehow vigilant, announced its presence again showing 0845 hrs. It then struck him. He woke up startled. How could I not remember it, he rebuked himself. He then set off to his friends’ rooms while brushing up to check. None of them was interested, nor was he though. He himself was not exhilarated with the program, honestly, but just wanted to see how it goes. He checked his invitation again. By the time he set off, he was joined by one. They both started.

          ‘It’s Netaji, isn’t it?’ he asked walking briskly.

          ‘Yes,’ the other replied checking his invitation card, ’17^th May 0930 hrs, we are late already’.

          It would have been better if the vehicle – The Cycle – is available in its right state, he thought checking his cycle’s punctured tyre hoping it would repair itself. Wondering if this program starts at the right time, they entered the main building after 10 minutes and through the corridors they paced towards Netaji Auditorium when the watch on someone’s hand displayed 0955 hrs. It was after two (or was it 3?) security check ups he along with the other entered the auditorium. ‘Of course, it hasn’t started yet,’ he said. They found seats in the back row, placed themselves comfortably, started waiting. Ten minutes passed while ‘you came too’, ‘why didn’t they come?’ etc were shared with the people already present. After few more minutes he realized it was this same Netaji Auditorium they were first assembled to be addressed by the Director inviting them all to the Institute. The same auditorium now holds his …,someone made his appearance on the dias declaring the arrival of Mr. President Kalam in five minutes and asking them to pay him his usual respects. More than ten minutes passed without getting noticed and then he came, Mr. Kalam. After initial greetings, he seated back to listen what Mr. Kalam had to say. It was not disappointing, he thought, after more than an hour – there was some humor after all and some ‘Kalam special’ Oaths. It was 15 minutes past 12 when he came out of auditorium when it was all over. Sending the other back to room, he then took his left and started walking briskly in a narrow path under the sun as the hot air hit him hard on the face. The path led him to a building that bore a name which he read with little sense of pride for the umpteenth time – ‘Department of Mechanical Engineering’. Once he checked that the notice board doesn’t have anything to concern with him, he left unceremoniously. It was half past three when he came back to his room (after completing lunch along with his friends) to find many things to be done. With slight but persistent pain (spreading from his forehead across to the back portion of head) he had been having lately, he realized that he hadn’t slept for more than 20 hours in the past 5 days. Busy he was, he smiled to himself. He was astonished to see how busy he was during the last week and sighed at the look of his room. He was occupied with so many other things that he did not recognize how much mess is still there to get juxtaposed even after sending two box full of things (Books, not very important books and some unimportant books along with few things that, he thought, could be necessary) the previous day to Jamshedpur, a city he would soon get occupied with. The mere glance itself made his shoulders slump an inch or two and there are DVDs waiting there to get written. His legs automatically led him to the PC with his eyes carefully avoiding the mess defending himself with ‘there’s still time’ and he was lost again.

          But the time was tricky thing. The sultry summer air was losing its intensity, as it would on every day, while the usually sunlit room started getting dimmer. After avoiding it for considerably long time, he lazily checked time only to get shocked, again. What’s wrong with me, he thought for the second time since he woke up and set off to department to meet The Ray. All along the way he remembered how he had asked The Ray to go for a dinner for one last time (as if there were any before!) and how The Ray appreciated the gesture but refused gently citing his health and how he instead asked him to come to his office along with his friend the previous evening and how they had very good time together almost for an hour. After meeting him and taking some special bengali songs from him that he asked for, two days ago, he came back to his room. He then tried to arrange things in a bag before everybody came and he, with all of them, set off to dinner. It was almost 2230 hrs when he came back to the room and this time he ignored PC and started some packing. It seemed like an hour after which he looked around the room quite satisfactorily with great sense of achievement and checked if there’s anything else to put in the first bag. Second bag and the suitcase were packed simultaneously attending PC occasionally. By midnight packing was almost done except the clothes he was wearing and of course PC. It was at 0300 hrs he thought he should get start with packing PC. Taking help from a friend he managed to do it by 0530 hrs although it would be more appropriate to state it vice versa. He with his friend, then, set off to others’ rooms to check whether any one is up and after trying unsuccessfully to wake them up, they returned to their respective rooms. The watch showed 0600 hrs when he came back to the room and the calendar announcing its presence showed 18 ^th May, 2007.

          He entered the room, this time, with a slight weary look and was astonished to see how empty it was. Two bags, a suitcase and two boxes were all the evidence of life that existed there in the room before and within no time they would be removed too. Driven by fatigue, he sat on his bed looking out through his balcony door. He thought about all the people who had spent their time in the same room before he did and about the people who are going to occupy it once he vacates. The sun was already making his appearance and seemed to be in hurry. In no time the sun started to shine brightly making every corner of the room to bath in while the summer wind, which was already becoming warmer, coming across the green grass, hit the window panes which whimpered feebly.

          ‘Things go fast here,’ he thought ‘very fast’. The day he first entered this Institute with the knowledge of spending significant part of his life, ‘that day,’ he remembered, ‘doesn’t seem like two years ago’. It was still on the surface of his memory how he hated everything concerned with the Institute (except, perhaps, Department) and complained about everything ranging from horrible weather to the non – availability of his regular bath soap. He recollected how he attributed every bad thing that happened to him to the only fact that he was not at home and how he used to reason himself stubbornly that if he was home how he could have avoided them happening. He remembered how hard it had been for him to stay away from home and a set of established friends, how hard did he cry when he felt harrowing about being kept ignorant about things that he would die to know, when he felt he did not comply with his whatsoever duties as a grandson, a son, a brother, a friend etc etc (though none complained, instead rejoiced the maintenance of secrecy claiming that it was all for his own good!) and when he found no shoulders at his immediate side to lay his head upon in grief. He recollected fondly, sitting there in the debris of old newspapers and magazines, every trip he made to home in the past 23 months (particularly the time when he flew for the first time, courtesy – Air Deccan) and how he used to start planning the next one the moment he steps back into the Institute.

          The sun now shone more brightly on the window panes spreading more light into the room as he started to feel the heat of the sharp rays. Aesthetically pleasing sounds were generated from nowhere as the birds started their day, as they would on every other day, for there was nothing special for them unlike him. He never had considerable chance (or he never bothered take notice of one) to appreciate the beauty of dawn prior to his coming to this place. ‘Acknowledging this would bring my subconscious, if not certain, liking for this place,’ he smiled weakly. ‘Do I still hate this place,’ it was like he was asking more to the room than to himself. Since room did not answer, he conceived it as ‘love towards something else that made him hate this more’. He remembered all those days he managed to make himself present on time to those very early classes without getting reprimanded. He remembered how it was not in his hands to stop dozing off even when he was sitting in the front row in some extremely boring classes. Umpteen (good, bad and ugly) movies, beautiful discussions, everlasting games, farewells and freshers, - bit of many activities reeling past his eyes while he was sure that not everything was coming forth but would come some time.

          It was here, he remembered, he first started his first ever bank account and he first used ATM card and he first drew money considered to be his. It was here he got introduced to many people he would never forget in his life – on and off campus. It was of course here he first had a chance to buy a vehicle of his own – The Cycle. It was here that he hated to eat almost every time he went to eat yet managing to eat for two full years. It was here that he had been to gym for the first time and it was because of being here that he had his first cell phone! It was because of being here, after all, he was offered a job that he could not refuse (unlike in the previous case where he did refuse, ironically that lead him here.) The best part, he thought, was he being to many places during last 10 days without knowing that it would be the last time that he would be going to those places with the tag of student- gym, swimming pool, Tech Market, Main Building, Vikramshila, JCB, VS and the list goes on. Realizing that he would never ever get that status again was nostalgic, if not painful.

          The mist in his eyes slowly grew watery even without his knowledge. He would not have believed if someone said that he would, sometime, shed a tear or two about leaving the place he once hated. Yet here he was.

          There was a knock on the door. ‘Enter,’ he said, pulling himself up. It was, then, reminded to him that the time was 0715 hrs and they, who were all leaving with him, were supposed to start by 0815 hrs to catch the train at 0900 hrs. With utter confusion prevailing (while he had had one last glance at his room, E1 – 107) they started off almost at 0830 hrs and were sure that it would be late by the time they get ready with their luggage slips which were to be taken from some official at railway station. And yes they were right. As if Kharagpur wanted them to leave at any cost, the train was also conveniently delayed. The train arrived at 0935 hrs and as it should, started to leave in 10 minutes. He was looking at the platform on the other side, the old bridge, the leaking taps and the red clothed people with some badges across their chests waiting for the next train to come. He knew this would come and this is it, ‘I cannot enter this territory never again as I did so many times for the past two years, not again as student‘ he said more to the cement platform than to himself amidst loud announcements. ‘Get in now, Umesh. The train’s started. Its over’ someone shouted. ‘Yes, all is over,’ he sighed and whispered ‘Sayonara Kharagpur’.

***

          Exactly after 77 days, he, placed himself comfortably, is waiting to make a trip to Kharagpur, a very short one. This time, unlike every trip he made till date, the trip is intended to take something from Kharagpur. The convocation date, after getting deferred once (which incidentally suited his plans and he did not know whom to thank), hasn’t been announced yet and when it gets announced he is all set to start and thus going to close the final link.

Friday August 3, 2007 – 01:17pm (IST)

Comments

(6 total) Post a Comment

• Vidyu…
• Offline IM

Absolutely heart-rending and arguably your best yet!

Saturday August 4, 2007 – 04:53pm (EDT) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
• Offline

That’s overwhelming! Yes, it was dreadfully nostalgic and it stays so, I reckon.

Monday August 6, 2007 – 09:53am (IST) Remove Comment

• srivi…
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student life is one beautiful experience! and u’ve described it so well..

Sunday October 7, 2007 – 11:00pm (IST) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
• Offline

I hope I did. I experienced things that are beyond beautiful though!

P.S: Thanks for stopping by .

Monday October 8, 2007 – 09:41am (IST) Remove Comment

• Alway…
• Offline

Just a great post

Tuesday November 13, 2007 – 01:49am (IST) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
• Offline

Thank You.

Tuesday November 13, 2007 – 10:31am (IST) Remove Comment

          This day used to be fun, for this is the day when everybody gets suffused in colors! Oh yes, I am talking about Holi, the festival of colors. It’s been nine years (Is it ten? I don’t remember!) since I celebrated this day with colors chiefly because I then felt there’s no color in life further, no more happiness and partly because neighborhood didn’t demand much (I used to make their attempts futile puncturing much of their ebullient fervor).

          The last time I had colors sprayed on me reminds how life used to be and how much happiness was there around. The morning used to start with all the attempts to make people at home allow me to go out, trying to get the restrictions as minimum as possible, although they were intended to make me as less dirty as possible if you know what I mean. And thus the whole of the morning used to be busy with colors and colors and colors. Search parties were there the mission of whose is to bring people out of their houses and fill them with chromatic combinations of colors and thus make them join in the group. Special packages (some delicate substances!) would always be waiting for somebody special. The new members then volunteer to improve the quality of the search parties with all their creativity at use. And thus it used to continue. Back home, warm water waiting along with umpteen reprimands. The day used to be remembered at least for a week or two until the stories of discoloring each and everybody dies off formally and the color on every face fades off. And then look forward for the next One.

          Things change, so do we. It’s not the same now. Its lack of the enthusiasm that makes this day no more special, partly, but it’s the way they are doing IT makes it banal, abominable I daresay, most of the times.

          This morning started in a similar way. After successfully disheartening some people who wanted to bring me in to colors, I was forced by an adamant and feisty mob that made me to agree with the minimal discoloration. But the things then went astray, for who imagined that I would be joining them for the remaining hours of the morning, having fun to get permeated in colors. And thus things happened, after more than nine years with some of the reasons for my disassociation with the day still remaining, that made most of my body occupied with colors. It is then understood that it is more with the people you are with, that matters far more than the way everybody is making you to feel about it.

           Now I found the reason to tell you all who were sent back successfully by me in all these years that it was never because I meant to make you feel disappointed, it rather is because of my indifference towards the way people are doing IT. I am sorry, but I could not find fun in running partially dressed even before you guys! If getting partially dressed is bad, making others to do so is worst! They said, ‘if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’. I found my way out of kitchen easily, but my apologies if I was sassy in the process.

              Today, I must tell, was great, for the company I was in, made me feel so.

 ‘Who in the rainbow can draw the line where violet tint ends and the orange begin? Distinctly we see the difference of the colors, but where exactly does the one first blendingly enter into the other? So with sanity and insanity!’

 Sunday March 4, 2007 – 11:45pm (IST)

Comments

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• Vidyu…
• Offline IM

Whatever happened later, I’m extremely glad you played. Very very happy indeed. Great pic

Wednesday March 7, 2007 – 12:25pm (EST) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
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I’m glad too. And yeah, that shirt’s not mine, for I was forced to spend that morning topless

Thursday March 8, 2007 – 12:04am (IST) Remove Comment

System crash…I hate viruses, ah, who don’t.

Formatting…

Back to Programming…

Project: Matlab…

Beautiful and poignant Zakhm scores…

Project: Results…

Lolitha (A movie about incestuous love)…

Project: Matching??…

Project: No, what now…checked with standard analytical results?

Project: Check the program again and again…

A Tiny, Dusty, Grumpy room tries to get cleaned…

Project: We are almost near to the book results Sir…

These are the things I was occupied with, for the past two fortnights and yet am not able to come out of those nightmares of improper results, partly due to the chore I still am supposed to work on and partly due to the unavailing efforts of making some time for me.

It perhaps is not being busy. It would sound more real to say I was in abstracted state than to create an impression that I was bustling around, for what is it when someone tries shaving cream instead of toothpaste until he realizes that it’s not the shaving cream he is supposed to use to clean his mouth. He must have been out of his mind. Yes, I, perhaps, was. It could be because of the tiny, teeny, lilliputian feeling that I haven’t completed the book I started long ago or it could also be because of the inordinate agony- who’ll be there for me!!, not to mention the sudden waves of nostalgia suffusing me in the memories of Home or it could be any thing else.

If you want me to set this straight, here it is, there is something missing in life, the enormity of which is a clear obstinacy. Before that, I must tell you that I am on a mission of completing my post graduate studies. Since there is no stonking better place, alas and alack, than this place, the mission shall not be considered as a complete frivolous. Still there is something I miss, albeit many a time, many well wishers tried to dispose me towards a set of beliefs which are stated as below:

1. Living alone makes you to think independently,….true, perhaps

2. The process of learning is best done when you are alone,….truly true

3. Nothing’s permanent,….there are some permanent things

4. Never look a gift horse in the mouth,….Neither did I check the teeth nor was I gifted!!

These are the only areas the whole concentration of the conciliations, more often than not, is laid upon. They perhaps might be genuinely trying to make me to understand that it is not as bad as I imagine it and they almost succeed whenever they do that. Yes, it perhaps might not be as worst as I imagine it; it is truly far better state of life than lots of young people of my age. But it is also an undeniable fact that ‘it is not as much OK as you imagine it’ which I invariably tries to explain but in vain, perhaps my reasons do not sound rational.

It is not that I hate this place though I was under such a delusion in my early stages of independent life. I used to cleave to this belief until I realized that it is not with the place where I am now. And, neither do I hate my work, in fact, this is the real good thing happened to me in recent times, me working on the things I wanted to, the best part is, I am under ‘The Ray’ (you surely will know more about ‘The Ray’ in near future). Yummy!!

So, it is not with the work and I still do not feel happy. The only explanation I could find on one extremely delightful (once in a blue moon), crepuscular Sunday morning was, there is something empty, unfilled vacuum which is what bothering me. And that can neither be filled by me nor by place I reside, however best it might be in the world. It was with great difficulty the rationale behind all this was found and it is with the greatest ease that the two things related to the rationale were listed, the two very important things of my life, indeed the titanic priorities of my life. One of which is certainly missing in my life at this moment and is definitely matchless, but the other, which is of as paramount important as the first one, is found wherever I go. But here too, few things remain irreplaceable.

So, since the first remains inaccessible, the ersatz second tries to surface on the list with all its honest efforts but then realizes that both on the list move parallel, forever, and never be interchangeable. This is how the tale of ‘lost-cannot be found temporarily-some consolations’ considered to be untangled in the best possible way.

It is too late now, time to end the vignette of amateur scribbling. The things afore mentioned (Lolitha, anyway, is not going to repeat and so does the formatting thing, hopefully) surfaces back onto the foreground making me to shuffle the order of priorities. And there you go, an obligated, duty bounded, re-energized, responsible teacher’s pet emerges, leaving the vacuum unfilled, stops the dolorous Tere Bin…, opens again but now with fractionally deflated volume and animatedly opens matlab, then realizes with in a short time that he is a novice programmer. What now? Opens the balcony door to feel the fresh chilling breeze and ends the day by posting this.

P.S: The ‘two’ are listed as follows:

1. The Home.

2. The Friendship.

Saturday October 28, 2006 – 03:15am (IST)

Comments

(4 total) Post a Comment

• Vidyu…
• Offline IM

Ah so finally settled on the ‘two’ things most lacking eh?! Cool entry!! And will be waiting for The Ray

Saturday October 28, 2006 – 04:44am (EDT) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
• Offline

True, The Two. And ‘The Ray’ thing may take time longer than anticipation for the big things are verily worth waiting.

Saturday October 28, 2006 – 02:22pm (IST) Remove Comment

• sree d
• Offline

i sincerly agree that there are many things worth waiting than thinking about what we have lost

Sunday October 29, 2006 – 01:10am (IST) Remove Comment

• TheDo…
• Offline

ah…look who’s here! Thanks for stopping by Srdevi and yeah, the best way to move ahead is with the energetic force created by the motivation of the past reminscences instead of getting lost in the reminscences.

Sunday October 29, 2006 – 12:51pm (IST) Remove Comment